Pregnancy Q&A

October 6, 2009

stethoscope

Reasons why I would not make a good obstetrician:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.



This Is for Mothers Everywhere

August 25, 2009


David’s Big T.O.E.*

April 9, 2009

My BIG T.O.E. 

Einstein and the other great scientist’s of our time have spent their careers searching for this one unifying theory of the world/Universe that we live in, something that sums up our very existance. Indeed, the work they are preparing to do at C.E.R.N. could very well lead to the discovery of what they’re calling “The God Particle” or the substance that makes everything what it is. See M-Theory for a deeper understanding.

As a self described “Amateur Theosopher”, I believe I have been able to take my understanding of science and my study of religion, albeit mostly an Abrahamic point of view and come up with ‘it’. In no way is my theory a compromise between science and religion, rather a spotlight on science and religions commonalities which are far greater than most realize. In a terribly un-scientific way it goes like this:

 1. All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration,

2. We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively,

3. There is no such thing as death,

4. Life is only a dream, and

5. We are the imagination of ourselves.

* T.O.E. stands for “Theory of Everything”…

Steps to Happiness

March 25, 2009

61342287be_calm_quiet1

OK, so I’ve had about 6 months of being “on my own” which has included a lot of introspection.

It’s been a  while since I wrote a touchy-feely blog so here are my 5 steps to Happiness, I hope you enjoy.

Connect 
Developing relationships with family, friends, colleagues and neighbours will enrich your life and bring you support

Be active 
Sports, hobbies such as gardening or dancing, or just a daily stroll will make you feel good and maintain mobility and fitness

Be curious 
Noting the beauty of everyday moments as well as the unusual and reflecting on them helps you to appreciate what matters to you

Learn 
Fixing a bike, learning an instrument, cooking – the challenge and satisfaction brings fun and confidence

Give 
Helping friends and strangers links your happiness to a wider community and is very rewarding


Your Boss’ Mood Swings

January 22, 2009

 

 meeting-with-your-boss

According to some psychiatrists there’s a good and a bad time to ask for a raise, because your boss has a weekly cycle of moods.

  • Take Monday to ask for a vacation. Having just enjoyed his or her weekend, your boss will be in a better mood to grant you some time off.
  • Tuesday is the day for bad news. Break it gently. Tuesday gives your boss the rest of the week you clean up your mess.
  • The day to ask for a raise? Wednesdays. This survey says managers told them they felt most charitable on Wednesdays than any other… you’ll get lots of “yes” answers on this day.
  • Thursday is the day to present your boss with your ideas… they’re more open minded.
  • Friday is the day to ask for favors… it’s after all Friday, and bosses are looking forward to the weekend too!

I Found A New Job!

January 13, 2009

reef2

The description reads:

The successful applicant “will be expected to stroll the white sands, snorkel the reef, take care of “a few minor tasks” — and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.”

Hey, I can do that!

And continues on, “They’ll also have to talk to media from time to time about what they’re doing so they can’t be too shy and they’ll have to love the sea, the sun, the outdoors.”

Man, this is perfect for me! I’m a “shoe in”…or should that be a “flip-flop in”…

Here are the details:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5jaxcIb71fkpboX3q4GHTJl3prH_A

…but don’t you dare even THINK of applying….this one’s mine!


Venus and Mars Meet Again

January 8, 2009


What’s Your Mom Personality?

January 5, 2009

The Black Kennedy

November 5, 2008

barack_obama-779027

Wow, what a night! The only thing that came close to the coolness of the Obama win were those holographic interviews CNN pulled off. Neat-o!

While realizing the historical significance of the Obama win I felt kind of “…so what, he’s black, big deal…” and I think it’s that attitude people took with them into the voting booth. Barack never campaigned on race because it didn’t really matter…this is “the new America”! And I don’t think people voted for him because he was black, they voted for him because he was the right man for the job.

This is the beginning of a new era of understanding between the races and religions, not just of the US but worldwide. The US has always been a leader, that shining city on the hill [1] that the world has always aspired to (the last 8 years excluded). The social, spiritual and economic ripple effect this will set off will be immeasurable and I hope he does the right thing.

As he said in his victory speech last night, now comes the hard part, getting things done. I think one of the most important orders of business is re-uniting the Untied States…do you think he can?


Sarah Palin is a Dumb Ass

October 6, 2008

Well, I haven’t made fun of George Bush in a v-e-r-r-y long time but I haven’t had to. Now comes along a new politician (and I use that term lightly) to bring my attention to, Sara Palin! Unfortunately, some one has already beaten me to it.

Sarah Palin is a dumb ass, here are some excerpts:

Sarah Palin is a stupid, self important, ignorant bitch who I wouldn’t put in charge of wiping her own ass. And it’s not just that she’s dumb – which she is – it’s that she’s willfully ignorant of the facts and yet absolutely dead-bang certain that she’s right about her opinions. 

Sarah Palin can only name one Supreme Court case – Roe v. Wade. She couldn’t even conjure up Dred Scott, which even Bush was able to do in the second debate with John Kerry…and this is most stunning of all, Exxon v. Baker – concerning the Exxon Valdez. A case which rendered a ruling during her time as Governer of Alaska, and about which she made public statements in protest of the decision.

Sarah Palin either could not or would not name a single newspaper or magazine that she reads. She couldn’t think of one. Not the New York Times, the Daily News, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune. Not Time, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Reports. Hell, she couldn’t even think of a local paper in Alaska. Sarah Palin, by the way, has a degree in Journalism. No shit.

Read the whole blog herehttp://adennak.com/blog/wordpress/?p=92

By the way Tina Fey (SNL) does the best impression in the history of political impressions I have ever seen.