Really Horrific Names

A blog for women asked its readers to share the worst names they’ve ever heard. These are all real…

• “There was a person in the San Antonio phone book in the early ‘80s named Weldon Rumproast.”

• “There was a man named Lord where I worked. It was really hard to send him emails.”

• “I used to work with twins called Girleen and Pearleen. GIRLEEN. AND PEARLEEN.”

• “I had a student named Nimrod.”

• “I work with two sisters whose names are Ivory and Sno. Their last name is White. Because of course it is.”

• “At the hospital birthing my son, a girl had just named her daughter Felony. Seriously.”

• “I know a mother who named her daughter Meconium … a baby’s first poo.”

• “I knew a guy named ‘Hi.’ Seriously, that was his given name. I never knew whether to say hi, hey, or hello when I saw him.”

• “I ran across a gentleman whose first name was ‘General.’”

• “I knew someone named Merry Christmas Smith.”

• “My roommate was in kindergarten with ‘Pajamas.’”

• “There’s a girl in my office named Sharmonica.”

• “Latrina. It’s Italian for ‘bathroom.’”

• “Most horrific: Awesome. They named their baby girl ‘Awesome.’”

• “I went to school with a Justice, Precious, Success, Fanny & a Cinderella. They’re all boys.”

• “My old janitor was named Richard Boob.”

• “I knew a Freakus Pelekus (it rhymes) when I was growing up. No joke.”

• “I taught swimming to a kid named ‘Carstairs.’”

• “My friend met a woman at the bus stop whose daughter’s name was Atrocity.”

• “My little brother went to school with a girl named Cholera.”

• “We have a family friend named Cash Register.”

Heard a good one? Share it below…

The Facebook Song

Alright, so I came across this song by Rhett and Link about Facebook and thought I’d share it with you. Please leave your comments…if you “like” it, you know what to do…click one of the “share” icons…Facebook it, Digg it or Tweet it! You can also email it, if that’s as social as you get…

[Click the grey triangle below]

After you’ve shared, add me as a friend: http://www.facebook.com/david.tyler.voice

Stupidity: The Movie

Stupidity is a film by an old friend of mine who I met back in the 80′s here in Montréal during his Theatre Shmeatre days, Albert Nerenberg.

Stupidity sets out to determine whether our culture is hooked on deliberate ignorance as a strategy for success. From Adam Sandler to George W Bush, from the IQ test to TV programming, to the origins of the word moron, Stupidity examines the “dumbing down” of contemporary culture.

Stupidity embarks on an exhaustive search into its meaning, and the implications of a culture that is obsessed and saturated with stupefying culture. Stupidity careens at warp speed through sound bites on topics from television news and reality shows, to internet sites and popular films.

Featuring opinions and comments from some of today’s most recognizable figures, cultural critics, authors and academics, including John Cleese, Noam Chomsky, Selma Hayek, and Bill Maher, Stupidity reveals that, despite our culture’s extensive access to knowledge and information, humans continue to choose stupidity.

Now you can “get stupid” in the comfort of your home with Stupidity, streamed for free (to viewers in the US and Canada) from AboveTopSecret.com.

CAUTION: Contains some strong language.

Click to watch: Part 1

Click to watch: Part 2

Click to watch: Part 3

Purchase a DVD copy here.

Colour Paints Your Personality

Dewey Sadka, author of “The Dewey Color System,” has studied the influence of colors for over 20 years, and he says the powerful link between your favorite hue and your personality traits is astounding.

Green — You’re strong-willed and prefer to find solutions to problems on your own. This firm belief in self-reliance is something you pass on to your kids, along with an enduring faith in their own abilities. You’re able to empathize with others, lending a nonjudgemental ear when needed.

Red — You’re like the Energizer Bunny — a ball of fire who seldom slows down. Reds are leaders with a large circle of friends, and co-workers also look to you for guidance. You have high standards for your kids, but they appreciate your honest interest and sense of fun, too.

Blue — You’re as cool and calm as your favorite color, and your laid-back sensibility works well in crisis situations. You surround yourself with beautiful objects, many of which you created yourself. Fearless when obstacles are in your path, you determinedly meet your highest goals.

Gray — You’re gentle soft-spoken, self-possessed and extremely comfortable in your own skin. You’re also bright as a penny, and people are drawn to your witty intellect. But you’re no smart aleck, preferring to work as a long term player, rather than being the boss.

Purple — You’re a unique individual with a strong creative bend a taste for bold fashions. Your pals love to join you on shopping sprees because you encourage them to break out of the mold. You’re also quite intuitive, instinctively saying the right thing at the right time.

Yellow — You’re a powerful thinker with a positive attitude that brings people together. You face any obstacle with a can-do attitude, searching for new ways to solve problems. Your kids love your imaginative, adventurous spirit, and your inventive vacations are always a blast.

Black — You’re very focused and loyal. A nature lover who dislikes artificial substitutes, you wouldn’t be caught dead with a plastic Christmas tree. You also love to be the center of attention, treating others with the same respect you demand.

Yup, There’s an App for That

Pregnancy Q&A

Reasons why I would not make a good obstetrician:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

This Is for Mothers Everywhere

David’s Big T.O.E.*

 

Einstein and the other great scientist’s of our time have spent their careers searching for this one unifying theory of the world/Universe that we live in, something that sums up our very existance. Indeed, the work they are preparing to do at C.E.R.N. could very well lead to the discovery of what they’re calling “The God Particle” or the substance that makes everything what it is. See M-Theory for a deeper understanding.

As a self described “Amateur Theosopher”, I believe I have been able to take my understanding of science and my study of religion, albeit mostly an Abrahamic point of view and come up with ‘it’. In no way is my theory a compromise between science and religion, rather a spotlight on science and religions commonalities which are far greater than most realize. In a terribly un-scientific way it goes like this:

 1. All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration,

2. We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively,

3. There is no such thing as death,

4. Life is only a dream, and

5. We are the imagination of ourselves.

* T.O.E. stands for “Theory of Everything”…

Steps to Happiness

OK, so I’ve had about 6 months of being “on my own” which has included a lot of introspection.

It’s been a  while since I wrote a touchy-feely blog so here are my 5 steps to Happiness, I hope you enjoy.

Connect 
Developing relationships with family, friends, colleagues and neighbours will enrich your life and bring you support

Be active 
Sports, hobbies such as gardening or dancing, or just a daily stroll will make you feel good and maintain mobility and fitness

Be curious 
Noting the beauty of everyday moments as well as the unusual and reflecting on them helps you to appreciate what matters to you

Learn 
Fixing a bike, learning an instrument, cooking – the challenge and satisfaction brings fun and confidence

Give 
Helping friends and strangers links your happiness to a wider community and is very rewarding

Your Boss’ Mood Swings

 

 

According to some psychiatrists there’s a good and a bad time to ask for a raise, because your boss has a weekly cycle of moods.

• Take Monday to ask for a vacation. Having just enjoyed his or her weekend, your boss will be in a better mood to grant you some time off.
• Tuesday is the day for bad news. Break it gently. Tuesday gives your boss the rest of the week you clean up your mess.
• The day to ask for a raise? Wednesdays. This survey says managers told them they felt most charitable on Wednesdays than any other… you’ll get lots of “yes” answers on this day.
• Thursday is the day to present your boss with your ideas… they’re more open minded.
• Friday is the day to ask for favors… it’s after all Friday, and bosses are looking forward to the weekend too!