Man No-No’s

All About Men

I found this cool list at, and thought I’d share it with you, it’s a list of the 18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have.

  1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You’re smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you’re going to lose.
  2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don’t let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
  3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her…along with breakfast in bed.
  4. PlayStation thumb. When they’re relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you’re assuredly missing out on life.
  5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don’t know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
  6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he’ll be.
  7. An unstamped passport.
  8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
  9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
  10. A name for his penis. Even if it’s a really clever name.
  11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
  12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else’s lines reminds people that you haven’t the wit to write your own.
  13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, “Take me on your futon.”
  14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.
  15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else’s office.
  16. A secret handshake.
  17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald’s Hamburglar ones.
  18. A recent story with the phrase “So I said to the cop… “
Did they miss anything? Add your Man No-No’s in the comment form below…

4 Responses to Man No-No’s

  1. spunkylady says:

    Laughing and Laughing– Loved it– especially–

    “A name for his penis. Even if it’s a really clever name.

    Whoever the man was–who first came up with that idea–was an idiot–it’s right in there with “here pull my finger!”

    Laughing some more! Thanks for making me laugh!

  2. DR says:

    Stolen traffic signs or posters on their walls
    capri length pants – seriously
    christina aguilera ring tone

  3. Maria says:

    A pair of Speedos with a big gut hanging out of them!

  4. Merrea says:

    — 99.9% of men should never wear sweatpants in public…unless they are planning to sweat.
    — Comb-overs!!!!!!!![Guys, look in the mirror! Who are you fooling?]

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